13 November 2006

Back to reality

We are now in Bangkok for a short laundry-gifts-rest stay before the end of my holiday. Pattaya was a dream, Tam let me enough freedom to visit all the bars I wanted (which I did), and even offing all the boys I wanted (which I did not a lot).

Phayao bar boy
Phayao boy
Last Saturday we went to Hollywood Disco with him, friends of him, and the nice boys who manage the yellow chairs in Jomtien gay Beach. I told him I had chatted with a boy from Mic My Boy Bar and he almost urged me to go to pick him and bring him to the disco. I will never know why Tam did this : did he want to test my faithfulness, did he want to give an opportunity to the boy (as Tam's best friend knew the boy closely from what I understood) or was it a way to gain face ? Anyway to Mic My Boy I went, offed the boy (a northern guy from Phayao, not too cute but with a broad smile) and brought him to the disco. When we were out, I took him to the hotel but, as usual, Tam did not join for a threesome. The guy was very shy in the disco but not in the sack, please believe me ! Tam came back to the room at 5 am after another karaoke session and did not tell anything about the boy (who had left before) ...

We spent the last night in Pattaya together for the most part ; I just took some time to say goodbye to the boys I had offed : the Chayaphum boy (who had left), the lad from Boy-Isan (who did not forget to ask me some money for his trip back home, which is only another reason for me not to get too involved with any boy any more) and the Phayao guy whom I gave my Hotmail adress. After this farewell trip and after Tam's friends had finished their work in Googies, we went to the karaoke next door for another good time (although my broken voice did not allow me to sing my favourite ones ...).

In Bangkok Tam went once again in the sticks to visit some acquaintance while I staid in the room and in Saphan Kwai Big C. Why Big C ? Because this is a place where you can see a continuous flow of cuties (for example in the Yam Saep restaurant), and I have to fill my head with as many pictures like this as possible before going back to Boringland.

To-night we will take a taxi together, I will leave him in Morchit and the cab will then bring me to Suwanaphum. Tam is booked on the 8 am bus to Phrae while my plane will take off at about 11.30 pm.

I still do not know if and how I will break from him. I have no experience at all regarding breaking away from someone as never in my life I have been involved with someone for such a long time. I want to be completely free again - including financially - but in the same time I feel that it is impossible to delete all the good times I had with this guy. In fact I fear I still love him much more than I would admit.

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